How hot is it in Texas?

It is so hot here in Texas that

...the birds have to use pot holder to pull worms outta the ground!

...the trees are whistling for the dogs!

...you learn that the seat belt buckle makes a great branding iron.

...you learn that in July and August it only takes two fingers to steer your truck.

...you realize asphalt has a liquid state!

 

...potatoes cook in the ground, so all you have to do is pull em up and butter them!

...the cows are giving evaporated milk.

...the farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice so they won't lay boiled eggs!

...its so hot and dry that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling. The Methodist are using wet wipes and Presbyterians are giving rain checks.  And the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!